Project Runway * Bird-style * Season 9.5

Episode 1


Bird designers on Lifetime's "Project Runway * Bird-Style", competed last week to design a fashionable footstool prototype. The winning design will be used in a future "Angry Bird's" signature game!

The bird contestants were restricted in time and were only allowed to use materials from POTHOLDERS and BATHROBE TIES. The designers were each given thirty-cents to spend at BROOD to purchase piping to be used as embellishments.

Toward the end of the episode, Tim Feathergunn, flew into the workroom, tirelessly announcing... "BIRDS! It's time to take your footstools out to the runway!" "Make it work birds, make it work!"

THE WINNER of Project Runway * Bird-style, will have his or her FOOTSTOOL featured in the newest "Angry Backyard Birds" puzzle game! AND...the winner will also have his or her signature footstool design on the FRONT of a soon to be out, Angry Backyard Birds designer tee-shirt!

In the photograph below...Tim Feathergunn is showing signs of 'concern' over the final footstool designs.  Tim Feathergunn is the Chief Creative Officer at Seeds & Buckthorne as well as being a mentor to young bird designers on Project Runway * Bird-style .

A-Lister Nightmare!

 "I keep having this dream...I'm on a magic carpet surrounded by LARGE objects!  There are these GIANT leaves and a HUGE gem and I'm holding on to them!"

 "Oh! And my agent, Birdie is there with me too, FLYING ON THE MAGIC CARPET!

"Then... Birdie, my agent, tells me she's going to put a hole in the back of my head with her beak! ... and that's when I wake up screaming!"

"I have the same INSANE dream every night!"


"WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEEEAN?"

Bridge Inspectors - A New Generation

Bridge Inspector jobs require  frequent travel.  That fact is what first attracted Norman Bluetail to the Bridge Inspector position.  Norman loved to fly!


Norman Bluetail has been a bridge inspector since 2006 and due to his ability to fly over, under and all around bridges, he is considered an EXPERT in the field. Norman is also able to fly into small crevices, and access tight quarters!  Because Norman is naturally able to fly, the company saves big money because with Norman it is not necessary to purchase a costly 'man lifting device' to access bridges. 


Whenever Norman hears about a bridge collapse, he immediately flys to the scene and determines quickly what could have been done to prevent the bridge's sudden deterioration. Then he goes into overdrive going over bridge plans to ensure that a solid bridge is constructed in it's place.


Because of Norman Bluetail, a groundbreaking, new era of Bridge Inspectors has been achieved.  To date there have been 125 blue-jays hired as Bridge Inspectors and by the year 2020 the entire bridge inspection department is expected to be run by Blue Jays.

Many Important Morning Conversations Take Place While One Person is in the Tub.

"Hey Dear! I meant to tell you... I invited the crowd from work to come over tonight for cocktails!"

Fashion Trend - Feathers in Hair - JULY 2011!

All across the globe, beautifully-colored as well as natural toned BIRD FEATHERS are being woven into women's hair!

As a result of this new trend, Granelda Lupineowitz (feather collector) finds she can't keep up with the supply and demand for feathers!

Granelda starting collecting bird feathers in the late 40's.  She knows every species of bird and she has an almost reverent respect for all feathers she finds.

In 1948, Granelda decided she needed a hobby. It was at that point that Granelda actually began collecting feathers. Not only did she think that they were beautiful...they were easy to carry! She could find and carry upwards to 10,000 feathers a day and it was always effortless!

Suddenly Granelda Lupineowitz is a hot commodity! Movie Stars, Musicians,Political Figures alike...they ALL want their feathers to come from, Granelda Lupineowitz!

People who don't know about Granelda are ordering feathers from Bait Shops! Everybody knows that bait shops have secret drawers filled to overflowing with feathers just waiting to be used on fly fishing lures!

However, no big star on the red carpet is going to want to be asked... "Where did you get your hair feathers?" and then have to answer "The Bait Shop!"  Immediately, a 'fish smell' insinuation has been added to the feather!

If you are participating in the 2011 fashion trend of having feathers weaved into YOUR hair, be sure you find a way to contact:

Granelda Lupineowitz. 

  Like extensions, FEATHERS add excitement, entertainment, and a complete lightness of being to the wearer.

Granelda always says..."Let yourself feel lighter than air, weave a feather in your hair!"

Trashy & Compelling Tabloid Headlines...

TRUTH ABOUT 'DOROTHY' EXPOSED!

Candid Photograph of Famous Celebrity "Dorothy" photographed by the paparazzi ! 

You've heard the rumors, turns out they are TRUE!

Dorothy NEVER had a dog named Toto!  She had a BIRD! There's no DOG!  Also...Dorothy did NOT carry the supposed DOG in a little basket. In REALITY...The BIRD controls the Dorothy show. HE flies Dorothy all over the world in a basket while she sits drinking bottle after bottle of wine!

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Chickadee lands Record Size Yellow Polka Dot Fish

Everyone always made fun of Lanolin Edwards. Lanolin Edwards was unlucky in life. His mother named him Lanolin after she got impregnated by a lanolin door-to-door salesmen! If it wasn't hard enough explaining to people how he got the name "Lanolin", Lanolin also got teased constantly because he was so small.

One year little Lanolin decided to get away from his daily unlucky life and he flew to the Coral Reef for a much needed vacation!  It was very beautiful there. 

Lanolin decided to go on a guided deep sea fishing trip.  The boat wasn't out more than an hour when suddenly Lanolin felt a tremendous tugging on his lucky yellow fishing line!

Lanolin pulled and pulled on the line and the fishing guide kept telling Lanolin to keep reeling in, no matter what!

About 30 minutes passed and finally Lanolin had the fish up to the boat.  When Lanolin saw the SIZE of the fish, he nearly fell into the water! The fish was nearly ten times as big as Lanolin!

The crew all helped Lanolin get the fish into the boat and Lanolin was so excited, he was at a loss for words!

Lanolin went to the local taxidermy place on the island and paid to have the huge yellow fish mounted and sent to his bird house back in the states. The taxidermy guys told Lanolin that it DEFINITELY took a BIG man to land a fish of that magnitude!

Lanolin proudly hung the fish on his garden wall so that EVERYBODY could see it, especially Lanolin himself.  He even still owned the lucky yellow fishing line that he pulled the fish in on! 

Lanolin sat in front of his fish every day and each time he'd remember what the taxidermy guy had said.."It took a BIG man to land a fish like that!" Lanolin smiled, he WAS a BIG guy after all.  Nobody ever teased Lanolin again.

Ricky Diamond's ALMOST Best Birthday Present Ever!

When little Ricky Diamond turned five, his mother bought him a stick horse that was just his size. Ricky was SO excited! He'd always wanted a stick horse! He jumped on it immediately and wrapped his feet around the stick and away he flew into the air!  

Everybody who witnessed Ricky fly by on his stick horse thought it was the coolest thing they had ever seen! Ricky's wings would be pumping the air as fast as could be while his little feet held on firmly to his new stick horse.  It was every bird kid's dream!

Then, after only one entire day on the stick horse, Ricky Diamond stopped flying completely. He hopped off his new gift horse, and pushed the stick horse right into the lawn.

Ricky's mom asked, "Why aren't you flying around on your stick horse any more Ricky?" Ricky answered, "Mom! Did you know that stick horses are afraid of heights?"

It turned out that stick horses are only meant to be ridden while on the ground. Ricky Diamond was born to fly!

Ricky Diamond decided that his 5th year birthday present from his mom, pretty much sucked!

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Century Old Rooster Statue

Skipper Donovan went to Egypt to participate in an archaeological dig.  It turned out to be the most important even of Skipper's young life!

Skipper Donovan had been digging in the sand for months,with the hope of finding fossilized peanuts that the Egyptian Pharaohs feasted on. 

On December 3, 2002, Skipper Donovan made the find of the decade! Skipper unearthed a stone encrusted rooster which at one time was an adornment in the Tomb of Nefertari.

The Egyptian Rooster is now on display at the American Museum of Natural History in New York. Millions of people file through the museum each day hoping for a glimpse of Skipper's astonishing find!

Goodnight Moon

Ever since he was a little hatchling, Dilbert Bogdavitch was fascinated with the Moon.  Every night he would sit on a perch somewhere and stare up at the Moon until he fell asleep. Then Dilbert would dream about the Moon!

As Dilbert grew older, he decided he would be the first bird to land on the Moon! Every night Dilbert practiced flying higher and higher!

Then on one amazing evening Dilbert finally flew all the way to the Moon! 

Once he reached the Moon, Dilbert sat on the edge of of it and looked down and was astonished at how much he could see of the world!

Dilbert liked the view so much, he continued to fly to up to the moon and would stay there all night!

When it was time to go to sleep, Dilbert would would say, "Goodnight Moon" and the moon would say, "Goodnight Dilbert". Then, when dawn arrived, the Moon would say to Dilbert, "I have to go now - but I'll see you tonight!"

The Moon and Dilbert became best of friends.

Dilbert lived happily ever after as he continued to spend his nights on the Moon.

Meeting Your Girlfriend's Dad for the First Time

Dottie Graefer's dad said he wanted to spend a little time alone with Dottie's new boyfriend, Spike.  

Here's how it went. 

"That  lousy, shirtless, muscle-bound, good-for-nothing, hulk named SPIKE thinks he can date MY daughter!!???

"Hey Spike! Don't let me interrupt your push-up routine! I just came to talk to you about my daughter, Dottie!"

"Do you know how vulnerable the small of your back is Spike?" "

"With just the right amount of pressure right about here, even an overblown steroid using macho guy like yourself can go down easily!"

"Let me explain it to you another way Spike... Stay away from Dottie or I'm going to have to hurt you!"

  "I want YOU and your shirtless torso to hit the road!"

 "One last thing Spike!"

"Dottie told me that your feet are ticklish - is it true?!"

Escape Artist Dazzles in the Park (Not for the squeamish!)

Harold Whodeenee was a popular escape artist who performed for crowds of birds in various parks throughout the United States!

One of Harold's acts continually left bird crowds cringing every time! It was his escape act, involving the GIANT FLESH EATING WORMS of Australia!

In this particular act, Harry would fill a beautiful champagne glass with the giant, flesh-eating, Australian worms. Harry would then have his lovely assistant, Lottie, testify to the audience that the worms were INDEED alive and in a FRENZIED state of hunger!

Then Harry would lie down in a glass coffin and his lovely assistant would cover Harry in the man-eating worms.

 Harry would put himself in a sleep state so that the worms would not feel Harry's body heat and attack him! It was a very real danger that the worms would eat Harry alive!

Before the audience even had time to blink, Harry would be across the park, safe and sound and the audience would be blown away every time!

 It often took Harry a few minutes to come out of his self-imposed 'sleep state'.

A Poem about manifesting what you REALLY want!

Mariette Longenstein often flew over to the old wishing well, located at the edge of the town of Birdshee.

She would sit on a branch of a long dead bush and contemplate what her wish would be.

Mariette Longenstein always made the SAME wish and would tweet it loud and fast like a banshee!

"OH WISHING WELL, PLEASE, GRANT THIS WISH...I WANT A BAD-BOY-BLUE-JAY-BOYFRIEND-JUST-FOR-ME!"

Here's something you don't see every day...

Hollywood Studios advertised for a NEW FACE to star in a series of movies in 2012 about...

The Adventures of a 'Will-O-Wisp'. 

No-one had ever actually SEEN a will-o-wisp before so the producers and directors were going to have to go with their 'gut' feeling during the audition process.

These are the audition 'stills' of 'Elwin', the mysterious stranger who came in to see if HE was the new face the directors and producers were seeking! 

"Audition of Mr. Elwin Sandalwood"

 "Hello! The name's Elwin Sandalwood, and I hear you're lookin' for a new face!"

 "I'm perfect for any role you got available! You've never seen anybody like me before and you NEVER will again! I guarantee it!"

"Let me put it this way gentlemen..."If I show you what I can do with these green feelers on my head, will I get the part?"

Elwin Sandalwood became THE FACE of a Will-O-Wisp!


 In 2009, a star with his name on it was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  

Little Known Fact about Black Capped Chickadees...

Ever wonder what Black Capped Chickadees do in the evenings?

Every evening around 7:00 p.m., the average male, black-capped chickadee, grabs something to snack on and then perches on a comfortable piece of wood. 

He THEN fires up his BIG SCREEN TV and proceeds to watch endless hours of National Geographic's, "Virtual Deep Sea".


Now you know.

Use of Live Traps

Milton Archibald was a lonely squirrel.  Milton wanted to find a female squirrel to be his bride.

 He tried video dating. He tried speed dating. He looked into mail order brides but nobody was interested in Milton.

Milton decided it was time to take matters into his owns hands.

Milton went out and purchased three of the prettiest live traps he could find.

Milton filled the traps with savory squirrel treats and then he waited for possible future brides to be lured in.

 If need be...Milton was prepared to take three brides.

Foreclosure Effects on the Bird Community

THERE IS AN UGLY SIDE TO FORECLOSURE.

INDIVIDUALS WANTING TO PURCHASE A FORECLOSED BIRDHOUSE, HOPING TO PAY LESS MORTGAGE RATES, SEE FIRST HAND THE EFFECTS OF FORECLOSURE.

HOUSES ARE OFTEN TRASHED AND THE INTERIORS ARE DESTROYED BY FURIOUS HOMEOWNERS THAT WERE FORCED OUT OF THEIR RESIDENCES.

IN THIS CASE, THE FORMER OWNERS LITERALLY TORE OUT THE SIDES OF THEIR BIRDHOUSE BEFORE ABANDONING THEIR HOME.

INTERESTED BUYERS HAVE TO WEIGH HEAVILY THE ADDITIONAL COSTS THAT WILL BE INCURRED BY PURCHASING A FORECLOSED BIRDHOUSE WITHOUT WALLS.

Icky Uncle Fred - The Early Years

We located a squirrel who said he remembers meeting Icky Uncle Fred in a local park in San Francisco, California.  He recounted the encounter for us.

 "I'll never forget that weird guy as long as I live! I struck up a conversation with him that day."

 I  walked over and asked him,"Hey Mister! What the hell is the deal with your hat?"

 The guy told me, "It's my dreadlock hat! I made it myself!" I swear my jaw dropped in disbelief!

 I got a closer look and I'm telling you, it was really hard not to bust out laughing! A dreadlock HAT! LOL LOL!

I remember telling the guy that I'd pray for him. I never saw him again after that. The guy was a real odd ball.

Hosta luego baby!

Miss Satine Destiny Diego told the judges... "The purple flowers on the Hosta plants grown by Millicent Wilkerson are the best I've ever eaten!" 

fAvORiTE BiRd sOnG

Madge Cranston decided she wanted to meet a 'real' man. She spent hours cooking - hoping the tempting smells would lure a fine, food-loving, large man to her kitchen.

Unfortunately, every time Madge cooked, she attracted the WRONG kind of man, mostly vagrants who would eat all of her food and then run off!

"I can bring home the bacon!"

"Fry it up in a pan!"

"...And Never, Never, NEVER

 let you forget, 

you're just a freeloading squirrel, not a REAL man!"

"Cause I'm a birdie,

B-I-R-D-I-E, 

Let me tell ya' again...

I'm a birdie,

B-I-R-D-I-E!"

A-Lister banned from men's room at The Hungry Cat Restaurant in Los Angeles,, CA

Men's Room Attendant reaches his final straw moment...

"Listen Mr. Important...I don't give a rat's ass WHO you are...you're GOING TO WASH YOUR HANDS!

 "Hey! EVERYBODY! MR. A-LISTER HERE SAYS HE DOESN'T NEED TO WASH HIS HANDS!"

Moments I like to reflect on..

When's the last time you felt like this?